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3. TRANSPORTATION, HOURS, AND LOCAL CASINOS

3.1 How far is the Chicken Ranch from Las Vegas?

About 60 miles by automobile. You'll see serene desert countryside and a
gently winding scenic mountain pass. It's very relaxing!

3.2 That's certainly too far to walk! So how do I get there?

You have several options. You can take a taxi, call for a complimentary
limousine, drive yourself there, or fly your own plane.

3.3 Which is easiest?

The taxi is easiest. If you are staying at any of the major Las Vegas
hotel/casinos, there will be a cab stand. Otherwise, use the phone book to
call for a taxi. In either case, ask to go to the Chicken Ranch. You will
make the driver's day, and you will probably be required to pay in advance,
as the fare is typically $200 to $300 round trip! Even so, I've seen quite a
few taxis parked outside the Chicken Ranch.

Your taxi driver may try to persuade you to go to another brothel. This is
because some brothels give kickbacks to taxi drivers who bring in customers.
Insist on the Chicken Ranch; in my experience, it is BY FAR the most
enjoyable brothel in the Las Vegas area.

3.4 $200 to $300!?!? What's the NEXT easiest way to get there?

The limousine service is also quite easy and much less expensive. It
consists of several limousines with drivers, and a central dispatcher.

Call the Chicken Ranch at 382-7870 from Las Vegas for details on using the
limousine service. Basically, you'll have to work out a pick-up time and
place (usually in front of your hotel) and tell them how to recognize you.
The limousine is more comfortable than a cab, though you may wind up sharing
it with other customers. The driver works solely for tips, so you are
expected to tip him! Remember, he's probably doing as much work as the lady
you'll party with, so be generous. When I rode the limousine (a few years
ago), I tipped $30-$40, depending mostly on the number of other riders. The
drivers, usually older men who used the tips to supplement their retirement
incomes, seemed happy with this.

One benefit of the limousine is that the drivers (and the other passengers,
if any) usually make good conversation on the way out and back. A limitation
of the limousine is that the driver and other passengers are waiting for you
to finish; extremely long parties can pose problems. Also, you can't go
visiting the local casinos. Finally, it can be difficult to agree on a
pick-up time that is good for you and works with the limousine service's
schedule.

3.5 What about driving myself?

This is my favorite method these days. If you flew into Las Vegas, you'll
need a rental car, preferably with unlimited mileage. If you're coming from
the Strip or Downtown, take Interstate 15 south (toward Los Angeles). You'll
soon come to "Pahrump/Blue Diamond" exit 33. Use this exit, which will take
you west on Highway 160. You're in the right place if you see a big "76"
truck stop to your right after taking the exit. Some 50 miles later, you'll
start seeing signs of civilization. Stay sharp and watch for a sign that
says "Nye County Line". Soon thereafter, turn left on Gamebird Road. After
about 3 miles, you'll come to a 4-way stop. Turn left onto Homestead Road
and proceed another 6 miles. You'll see the Chicken Ranch on your left.

If you miss Gamebird Road, you'll get a second chance at Homestead Road.
You can take it directly to the Chicken Ranch.

If you miss Homestead Road as well, you'll find yourself on the main street
of the town of Pahrump, with a speed limit of 35. Turn back and try again.

Here is a map:

Las Vegas
/
Look for /
"Nye County Line" /
Pahrump ----+------+-------------~-------------------+ Pahrump/
| / Highway 160 / Blue Diamond
| / Gamebird / Exit 33
|/ Rd. 3 miles /
| / Interstate 15
Homestead | /
Rd. 6 miles | /
| /
X Chicken to Los Angeles
Ranch

One good way to learn how to get to the Chicken Ranch is to ride the
limousine once and pay close attention to the route the driver takes!

3.6 How do I fly myself there?

The Chicken Ranch has a 3,200 foot FAA-approved runway, marked by lights and
white tires. Electrical and telephone lines are underground for greater
safety. Call the Chicken Ranch at (702) 727-5721 long distance, or 382-7870
from Las Vegas, for more information.

3.7 When is the Chicken Ranch open and what are the best and worst times to
arrive?

The Chicken Ranch is open 24 hours a day, seven days a week, 365 days a year.
(Yes, even on Christmas day.) The worst time to arrive is at 5:00pm. That's
dinner time for the ladies, and you will be required to wait in the bar until
5:30 or even 6:00. It's also not a good idea to arrive in the middle of the
night (e.g., 3:00am) since the ladies do not work shifts. You'll get a tiny
lineup of VERY tired ladies...

If you want to pay minimum prices and/or receive maximum time with a lady,
your best bet is early afternoon, from about noon till 3:00pm, especially on
weekdays. The Chicken Ranch is not very busy at these hours, so the ladies
don't feel that they're losing money if they give you more time or charge you
less. However, some of the ladies are out for their medical examinations on
Mondays and others are out on Tuesdays, so your selection may be limited on
these days.

In fact, your selection may be limited anyway. The ladies are NOT all
required to be available until after dinner. Show up at 6:00pm if you want
the maximum selection, but you may pay more or receive less time.

My favorite approach is to arrive for my first party at about 1:00pm, then
return for a second party at 6:30pm. This gives me time to "recharge my
batteries", do a little gambling, and eat dinner between parties.

3.8 Gambling? Dinner? Where?

The Double Eagle casino opened recently on Homestead Road, between Gamebird
Road and the Chicken Ranch. You'll go by it as you're heading for the
Chicken Ranch. They don't have table games; you can play slots, video poker,
video keno, or bingo there. They have some of the best payouts (9/6) on
nickel video poker machines in Nevada. Their cocktail waitresses are very
pretty, too! In addition, there is a restaurant and a bar, but I haven't
tried them.

If you're willing to drive a little farther, I recommend Saddle West. Take
Homestead Road all the way back to Highway 160. Turn left (west) and in a
minute or two you'll arrive in the town of Pahrump. Be careful; the
speed limit changes to 35, and there are often police patrolling the road!
You'll soon see Saddle West on the left. They have plenty of slots and video
poker machines in addition to blackjack, roulette, and craps table games,
plus a keno area. There's a bar and a restaurant; they serve a DELICIOUS
dinner buffet starting at 5:00pm. No one on the staff is very attractive
here, but they're the nicest, friendliest folks I've ever found running a
casino.

Saddle West also has inexpensive hotel rooms where you can spend the night.
Californians can make a memorable weekend vacation out of driving to the
Chicken Ranch this way. It's also a convenient stop for those who are
passing through. Call (702) 727-5953 or (800) 522-5953 for reservations.

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